Dear Dicky --
Boy it sure has been awhile since I've told you just how much I really hate you! Well, if I had to use words to describe the shear intesity of my hatred for you, they'd have to come up with new words. You remind me of a bad rash of string warts. On top of a festering boil. Death is too good for you. Why don't you just do us all a favor and throw your wasted carcass in front of the next Metrobus? You soulless bastard! Your very existence is an insult to all that is right and proper! Do you understand what I'm saying, Gangrene? If those waterheads you call your "friends" had the slightest inkling of sense, they'd beat you stupid. I oughta come back East just to cut your ears off and sew the holes over! Cazart!
You impotent freak! You should have your nuts ripped off with a Garden Weasel and hung on a pole as a warnng to the rest of your kind! Yes, that would do nicely. Then we should pack your sack with gunpowder and light them off with an acetylene torch to cauterize the wound. After all ... I wouldn't want you to suffer needlessly, Herbergers are like sponges, you can only tell their true shappe when they're soaked. Soaked with gin! PIG! You mongrel cur! Just thinking about that mis-shapen head of yours causes my blood pressure to shoot through the roof.
DIE! SCUM! DIE! You should have your ass packed with axle grease and sent running through Mt. Rainier. I think of all the trouble you've caused me in the time I've known you and it makes me want to become a cop, just so I can blow your ass away legally. Hell, not a jury in the world would convict me after all the nests you've robbed and shit in. How many of those "friends" of yours at the Day Job are just waiting for the opportunity to slice your throat while you sleep? THink about that! Think hard scum! Think about every set of footsteps that you hear outside your door at night. When will it happen? How long will it be before you finally cash your check? From my point of view, no death is too horrible for you. I'm only saying that because I really hate you. Hate really isn't strong enough a word. Neither is loath, or despise. But, I just want you to realize that this is more than a mild disliking. It's pure seething animosity. I mean it too, by crackee! Christ! I'm not going to waste any more valuable ink on your miserable hide. Hey! DO me a favor, will ya? ROT IN HELL FOREVER, YOU BITCH!
Spitefully yours,
Paul
P.S. I love ya, you big lunk-head!